The Psychological Toll of Scams on Older Adults

The Embarrassment

The first thing I noticed was embarrassment. Not anger, not sadness — just this quiet, heavy embarrassment. My grandma once said, “I can’t believe I fell for it. I don’t want anyone to know.” She would have rather kept it a secret than admit it. And I get it — no one wants to feel tricked.

What helped was reminding her that scams are designed to fool people. It doesn’t mean she’s naive or weak. It means the scammer was good at being manipulative.

Confidence Gets Shaken

Afterward, it wasn’t just about that one scam. It spilled into everything. Paying bills, checking emails, answering the phone — all of it suddenly felt risky.

I started doing small things side by side with them. “Let’s go through the bills together.” “Let’s check this email.” Not taking over, just being present. That way they could rebuild confidence without feeling like they’d lost independence.

They Keep It to Themselves

What really struck me is how often they don’t talk about it. They’d rather stay silent than admit they were caught out. That silence is dangerous, because it leaves them carrying the whole weight alone.

I’ve learned to create space where they feel safe telling me things without judgment — making it clear I’d rather know than not know.

Pulling Away from Others

Sometimes the aftermath looks like withdrawal. My granddad went through a phase where he stopped answering calls altogether. It wasn’t just scammers he avoided — it was family and friends too.

Regular, safe contact helped. Even short daily check-ins gave him a rhythm again, and reminded him that not everyone on the other end of the line was out to trick him.

Distrust Becomes Default

After being scammed, even everyday things can feel suspicious. A neighbor offering help, a letter in the post, even advice from family. Constantly second-guessing everything is exhausting.

Here’s where patience is everything. Answering the same questions more than once, showing them it’s okay to double-check, and reassuring them that being cautious doesn’t mean cutting off trust entirely.

When Hopelessness Creeps In

The hardest part to watch is when it tips into hopelessness — when they feel they can’t protect themselves anymore, that the world is too complicated and they’d rather just give up trying.

The only antidote I’ve found is helping them rediscover small wins: cooking a meal, doing the crossword, gardening. Things that remind them they’re still capable, still in control of parts of their life.

My Takeaway

If your parent or grandparent ever gets scammed, it’s not just about money. It’s about the embarrassment they carry, the confidence they lose, and the silence they retreat into. Often, they won’t even tell anyone — unless we make it safe for them to.

What they really lose in a scam isn’t cash — it’s confidence. And that’s something we, as family, can help them rebuild.